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| Monday, June 07, 2004 |
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"What are you doing for the summer?" "What are your long-term plans now that you are through with college?" "What jobs do you have lined up?" "Do you have any grad schools picked out yet?" "What was your major again? Oh, how are you going to do anything with that?"
WTF, mate! Am I doing something wrong because I do not have the rest of my life planned out at this very moment? I know I have a Bible major and no, I have no idea what I am going to do with it. I do not have a grad school picked out and applied for, and just what are long-term plans anyway? I do not want to commit my life to just one subject just yet. I want to live. Not just in the typical "wake up, eat, work, eat, work, eat, hang out too late, sleep, repeat" way. I want to live in the "I've been to here, here, and here and eaten this, this, and this and done this, this, and this" way. When I was young (like four years ago) I knew that I wanted a 9-5 job, doing the same thing everyday. I liked routine and familiarity. I guess I've changed. I still like routine as long as that routine has enough room for a lot of spontaneity.
Do you ever feel that something is missing from your life? I always feel like somehow there are two me's. One me is the one here at college, being responsible - sometimes, getting good enough grades, but floating rudderless while the other me is out there somewhere doing all the things that I want to do. Maybe I am just not aggressive enough in pursuing things that I desire. I keep waiting. I have no idea what for though. I am afraid to pour myself into something wholeheartedly because I do not want to miss anything else that might come along. I want to be apart of everything and therefore I'm not really apart of anything.
I need to figure out some sort of balance where I can still have fun and do various things but will actually be apart of something. That way I can have my routine and eat it too. |
posted by Unknown @ 2:26 AM   |
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