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| Thursday, October 28, 2004 |
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"It is not the message. It is our obedience to it. This is the Father's will." "Emotion is chaos." "The disease that is human emotion." -Equilibrium
The desire for absolute control by the abolishment of chaos (aka emotion). Blind obedience. "How do you feel?" used as a trap phrase, a trick question. The only right answer being "I do not." Control by lowering everyone to the point of robots - and convincing them this is the best for them. What a contradiction from God. God already has completely control. Yet he asks for our obedience, but not inspite of the message. Rather because of it, because of emotion, because of chaos. A God who can control and rule the apparent chaos we live in is greater than someone that can only control mindless drones. I can trust God and know that he appreciates my chaos - my emotions that so often seem completely crazy. He does not require blind obedience from me. He only asks that I trust him and give him all of me. He can use me - insane emotions and all. Too long have I tried to shut down my emotions. Tried not to feel. I knew that I could not handle them and I did not trust God to accept them. Yet that is not a solution. It's time to start trusting. How do I feel? I feel. I'll let God deal with the rest.
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posted by Unknown @ 7:08 PM   |
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| Monday, October 18, 2004 |
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HI! I'm back!
So a little over four weeks ago, I decided that I should visit people in Texas before I make my life changing move to New York. Since I had put in my two weeks at my job, I figured I was free. I could do what I want. (I love that feeling.) So a week later, I headed south. Little did I know my week long trip would stick me in Texas for the next three. When I reached Longview, I got a call from my friends in NY who informed me that they did not feel it work for me to come up. Frustrating but hey! Now I was completely without a schedule. :) I hung out in Longview for a few more days. If anyone fails classes because of lack of studying - please tell me it's not my fault! Then I literally drove around Texas visiting family: Longview to Houston, to Austin, to a ranch in west Texas for a family reunion, then straight north to New Mexico, then finally Colorado bound! Of course, in good ol' Lauren style, my car had to give me issues so from Houston to Austin to west Texas my brakes were getting gradually worse until I had to drive all the way to New Mexico without brakes. Downshift, e-brake, downshift, e-brake. Grrr. However, I am now an expert at managing my transmission. :D In New Mexico, I took my car in and they replaced the master cylinder. So yay! Finally I could stop! But not to be put off, the car then does weird stuff on the way to Colorado. I'd explain it but it's just too weird. But whatever. I had an awesome few weeks, a few first time experiences, and drove for over 50 hours (mostly listening to Eminem).
Okay, that's just a quick random overview of my trip. Hopefully soon I'll get to make another trip but head east - like towards Ohio and surrounding area. Oh by the way... I need a job. And congrats to Knep for getting one! |
| posted by Unknown @ 9:34 PM |
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